Dear Miracle Workers
Always wanted to be special to momma. Wanted to make her smile. Wanted her to like my friends, my interests in life. I wanted her to fawn over me and lush, on and on, about how much she loves every little thing about me. Uhhh????? Duhhhh???? I’d say somebody who wants all that specialness from another has an itsy-bitsy problem with wanting to be extra special!
A Course of Love (ACOL) states, “All the maladies of the current time as well as those of history would give way to love without the interference of all that would make special.” (ACOL.C.15.1) ALL maladies are kept around because I want to be special to momma and to make her special to me?
It wasn’t just a special love affair with me and momma. There was a special hate affair, too. She was my reason for anything going wrong in my life. A Course in Miracles (ACIM) tells us, “Be not afraid to look upon the special hate relationship, for freedom lies in looking at it.” (OrEd.Tx.16.30) Life remained miserable with striving to keep up the barrier to love I wallowed in. I looked at this hate and found freedom therein.
I have joy today. ACIM states, “Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself which you have built against it.”(OrEd.Tx.16.35) I found a barrier against love within this special love and special hate relationship. I look at the hate and make no attempt to hide it. The barrier is down. Today I feel a connection with momma that is beyond words and explanation. The connection feels honest, humble, and satisfying. I am feeling love. Now, why was I brow-beating my own momma with a special hate relationship???
(originally appeared in Miracles Weekly #290, Jun. 8 2021)