On January 18, 2015, Rev. Roxie Benson addressed the congregation at the Community Miracles Center in San Francisco, CA. What follows is a lightly edited transcription of her talk.
I'm back. Are you guys ready for this? We're going to talk about trust – the foundation of trust that the Teachers of God rely on. This foundation of trust begins with a relationship with the Holy Spirit. It starts there. The thing that builds trust is experience. Experience builds trust. The first thing I have to be is willing to rely on the Holy Spirit. Then I can have experiences that will build that trust.
However there is one premise that we have to trust as A Course In Miracles students for the entire discipline to make sense. If we don't trust this one thing then the rest of it can't work. We have to trust that there isn't a world. We have to believe Jesus when he tells us that the world is an illusion, because if we don't then we can't trust. If we think that the world is real, that bodies die and people get killed, that suffering is true, and that wars can change our reality then we can't trust. We can't trust this discipline at all. We have to trust what he is telling us, which is that there is no world except in our own perception that we have made up.
If you start with that, if you are willing to trust that the world is an illusion – or even if you are just willing to become willing to trust – then the rest of what he promises in this Course is available to you. Jeshua talks about trust in a lot of different ways in A Course In Miracles. Once you trust the premise that there is no world then you need someone to help you reinterpret the world. We put our trust in fear. We put our trust in ego; we put our trust in separation. We put our trust in all the laws of the world, and now we need something else to trust in. So, we turn to the Holy Spirit. Jeshua tells us, "Trust Him to answer quickly, surely, and with love for everyone who will be touched in any way by the decision. And everyone will be." (OrEd.Tx.13.81) If I trust that – if I trust that I have within my own mind the perfect answer, the most loving answer for anyone involved in the situation – then I can get through anything. I can get through anything in this world. First we trust that the world is an illusion in our own mind, and then we trust in Holy Spirit to give us a different interpretation of it.
Whenever I am in pain, anxiety, or I have an issue where I am not at peace, I can ask myself one question, "Am I trusting in the Holy Spirit in this moment?" The answer is always "No." If I am not at peace then I am not trusting in the Holy Spirit in this moment. Jeshua doesn't ask me to trust the Holy Spirit ten years from now. He doesn't ask me to trust the Holy Spirit even tomorrow – or even at 5 o'clock today. He says, "Your present trust in Him is the defense which promises a future undisturbed ...." (OrEd.WkBk.135.20) So I only have to trust the Holy Spirit right now – in this moment, in the present moment. I can trust the Holy Spirit right now, in this present moment, to give me an answer that will be loving for everyone then I can just party, relax, and have fun. Since we made up the world, since it is our creation, we might as well relax and enjoy it. That's what I'm saying guys. I'm going to trust the Holy Spirit. I'm going to relax in the world, I'm going to relax all the things I need to do, fix or change and just rest in that trust in the present moment. When I do that, it's fun. The world is fun. It's loving; I'm smiling. I'm filled with joy.
I want to share a little experience that built trust for me. I have a student, I guess you can describe her as a compulsive complainer. (Rev. Marci is a public, elementary school teacher for 7th and 8th graders.) There's always something, "Why? Why? Why? Why this? Why that? Why? Why? Why?" I was in this space where I was thinking, "I just can't take this energy anymore right now. I just need her to get away from me." That same day, later that night, I am driving home. I'm listening to Jeshua, and I'm working with the Holy Spirit. I do some work around her. Jeshua talks to me about what energy she is showing me that I haven't accepted or forgiven out of myself – the complaining energy. Do I complain and whine? Of course I do. (laughter) Of course.
I went through the exercise that Jeshua asked me to do. I allowed myself to be innocent for complaining. I allowed myself to be innocent for judging myself for complaining. I allowed her to be innocent, the little girl, my student. Then I had this beautiful healing, and I couldn't wait to see her. I was thinking, "I am so excited to see her tomorrow ..." because I felt so healed, and so much love for her. I felt so much gratitude to her for giving me this gift of being able to forgive my own complaining. What a huge gift she gave me.
She comes into school the next morning, her name is Sammie. She has a short sleeve shirt on and it's freezing, really freezing. "Ms. Benson I'm cold." I have a Kashmir scarf. I went and got my scarf and just wrapped it around her. Then she didn't complain anymore. She said she was cold, I wrapped my scarf around her, and then she didn't complain at all. Later that day she asked me if she could take the scarf with her outside. Then my mind was full of chatter, like every mind is. (Rev. Marci starts mumbling judgmentally.) "It costs a lot. It's just been cleaned. It's Kashmir. She'll drop it in the mud." Then I said, "Sure honey. Just keep it out of the mud and bring it back at fourth period." So fourth period comes, but Sammie is gone. But I had trusted her with my scarf. She had given it to a friend and soon the friend returned it to me. When I wrapped that girl in my scarf I felt like I was wrapping her in God's love. It is those experiences when you work with the Holy Spirit and then you have these experiences that trust gives you – you build on these. That's the foundation. We've got to keep giving the little things to the Holy Spirit so we can build the experience of trust with the Holy Spirit.
Jeshua or Jesus asks us not to just trust the Holy Spirit. He asked me to trust Sammie. Sammie is my savior. She saved me from my own self-judgement. That is what all our brothers do for us. They are all there. Jesus asks us to trust each other. He asks us to trust the Holy Spirit, but he asks us to trust each other too. He says, trust each other. He didn't say that. I said that. He says this, "Is it too much to ask a little trust for him who carries Christ to you, that you may be forgiven all your sins and left without a single one you cherish still?" (OrEd.Tx.26.78) That's what our brothers do for us. That's what Sammie did for me. She carried Christ to me. She brought me my own "Christed" Self, by showing me where I had some unforgiveness. Trust the Holy Spirit; trust our brothers. If a brother is coming to you and revealing one of your edges, that brother is a gift. The edge is what the brother is there to help you heal. They are not attacking you; you are not their victim. They are your savior. They are there for you.
Jesus does tell us what not to trust. One of the things he asks us not to trust is our own good intentions. "Trust not your good intentions. They are not enough. But trust implicitly your willingness." (OrEd.Tx.18.33) The willingness that we have – we wouldn't be here if we didn't have the willingness. It is this that we go back to. When you are feeling that you are in your ego and thinking, "God I don't know why. I've been about twenty years in this discipline and I'm still here ...." Blah, blah, blah and you are again beating yourself up, bring yourself back to trusting your willingness. I was willing. I've been willing to question the ego. I've been willing to trust the Holy Spirit. Go back to your willingness. Sometimes I've had to say to the Holy Spirit, "Holy Spirit I want to see this differently, but right now I still want to be right. I'm willing to be willing." Maybe it takes awhile to just be willing to have more willingness, because if we bring our focus back to our willingness to challenge the ego then we get out of it. Our spiritual discipline is not a spiritual discipline that helps us fix our problems in the world. If we see it that way, if we've come to A Course In Miracles to help us fix our problems in the world. It probably won't work very well. Our spiritual discipline helps us to be willing to see the world differently. We don't need to fix it, to change it. It's not broken. How can an illusion be broken? How can a dream need fixing? It doesn't. What needs fixing is our judgement. That's all. So our spiritual discipline teaches us how to stop judging and in that, in allowing everything to be as it is and holding loving thoughts, that is what transforms the outside. It won't change until we heal the inside.
I'm willing to see it differently.
There's another thing that Jesus asks us to do with our willingness. He wants us to be willing to see the world differently and there is this other thing. He asks us, "Are you willing to see your brothers as sinless?" And sometimes, honestly, your answer is "No, but I'm willing to be."
What I do with the Holy Spirit is I don't clean up my thoughts first. I don't pretty them up. I take all the ugly, all the whatever, to the Holy Spirit, and conclude with that I am willing to see it differently, because the Holy Spirit doesn't expect me to be where I am not. The Holy Spirit knows that I need to have my experiences. I can now have my new experiences so that I can build that trust. I am not asked to be anywhere except exactly where I am on my path. I am not expected to be farther than I am supposed to be. We only put those expectations on ourselves. That's just the ego trying to slow us down. If the ego is beating you up for not being spiritual enough it's just trying to slow you down. It is just trying to distract you. You can thank it for doing its job, and then you don't have to listen to it anymore.
In the reading we heard earlier Jeshua talks about once you have had the experience of that other world, the experience of this power helps us not fear this world anymore. Once we have had the experience of our power you can't go back completely. "When this Power has once been experienced, it is impossible to trust one's own petty strength again." (OrEd.Mn.4.4) We're too far gone. We've got too much A Course In Miracles in our heads to ever rely solely on the power of the ego again. We're "goners." Since we know how to rely on God we might as well do it, because it is way more fun. And if you still want to rely on your ego – be innocent. Let that be innocent, because it is.
Jeshua asks us to trust things. He asks us not to trust things, but he also lets us know that he trusts us. We are trusted by him. He knows we are going to do this work. We answered the call. All of us did. We are doing the work. Jeshua tell us, "My trust in you is without limit and without the fear that you will hear me not. I thank the Father for your loveliness and for the many gifts that you will let me offer to the Kingdom in honor of its wholeness, which is of God." (OrEd.Tx.13.33) He trusts us. Every loving thought you have ever held, every grievance you have let go of, every forgiveness you have been willing to have, every edge you have come up against and looked at – you've done it for the entire Sonship. We're not in this alone. We're not alone in feeling the effects of this work we are doing. We are healing the Sonship. You guys are doing a damn good job of it. Thank you for trusting.
Yeah God! ♥
Rev. Roxie Benson is an Associate Minister of the Community Miracles Center,
a CMC Supporting Member, and a member of the CMC Board of Directors.
She is the CMC's 53rd minister ordained on June 25, 2006.
2269 Market Street
San Francisco, CA 94114
This article appeared in the March 2015 (Vol. 29 No. 1) issue of Miracles Monthly. Miracles Monthly is published by Community Miracles Center in San Francisco, CA. CMC is supported solely by people just like you who: become CMC Supporting Members, Give Donations and Purchase Books and Products through us.